Note: the following entry has lots of detail which may be TMI for some people.
Our little Luke entered the world somewhat differently than his brothers. We did not have labor induced this time because I never developed symptoms of preeclampsia like the other two. I did have an induction planned when I turned 39 weeks, since I had gestational diabetes, which was a Tuesday.
But Luke had other plans...
I woke up on Saturday and went to the bathroom. That's when I noticed I noticed a pink discharge. I was pretty sure this was what they call the "bloody show," and I was pretty excited to think that labor could be starting on its own. I had decided to take it easy and see how things progressed and try not to stress out about it. After a while, I noticed some tightness in my belly every so often. It wasn't really painful but more like a feeling of being hard to breathe. I didn't think much of it at first, but after a while the tightness was accompanied by a crampy feeling and discomfort. That, along with the fact that I was still having the discharge, convinced me I was starting to have real contractions. I started keeping track of when and how often I felt the contractions, but they were irregular and not very close together. I wasn't sure how quickly it would progress, but I was pretty sure that labor was coming/here.
Throughout the day, the contractions seemed to be getting a little stronger, but still not very regular or intense. Some were 20-30 minutes apart, and some were 10 minutes apart. I decided to check on my hospital bag, and went about an hour with no contractions. Around 5 p.m. we decided to get takeout from Chili's, and I thought that maybe I wouldn't go into "full labor" that evening, or maybe I would by the next morning, but that it probably wasn't "happening" that evening. When James got back with our food around 6:40 p.m., I was finishing up going to the restroom. I stood up and felt a rush of warm liquid--my water broke! It was a weird feeling. I had only ever experienced having my water broken by a doctor at the hospital so this was very different. I yelled out that my water broke and we would need to get ready for the hospital. I called the OB's after hours line and they confirmed I should go to the hospital. We quickly ate our dinner before we left (I definitely didn't want to be starving during labor!). Luckily, James' mom had just gotten into town, so she was able to watch Grant and Thomas while we left.
I was feeling very nervous as we were on our way to the hospital, so I decided to quickly read some verses from the scriptures to calm me. I opened up the Book of Mormon to Ether and these words struck me as I read them:
"And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind.
And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water.
And they did land upon the shore of the promised land. And when they had set their feet upon the shores of the promised land they bowed themselves down upon the face of the land, and did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord, because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them."
This gave me the impression that no matter what I was about to go through, the Lord would always there with me. There may be some stormy times ahead, but I would never be alone and that, in the end, I would come through it fine and be protected. That was extremely comforting for me.
We had to go through the emergency room to get into the hospital. They took me to L&D triage in a wheelchair which I thought was a little dramatic, but no big deal. We got checked in to the triage area around 8 p.m. and the nurses checked my cervix. They said I was dilated to about 5cm, but only 50% effaced. They confirmed my water broke and were getting ready to send us upstairs to labor & delivery. Then the nurses sort of disappeared for almost an hour and I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get out of the prison-like triage room I was in.
(This poster in the room was quite the gem...a baby holding a cigarette!)
We finally got upstairs and the L&D nurse explained to me that they wanted to give me pitocin since my contractions weren't very intense or close together. However, I was feeling them more intensely and I was doubting that I would need pitocin, so I asked her to check me again. By then it had been about two hours since the last check, and the nurse told me that I was still about 5cm but I was more like 80% effaced. I was a little defeated that more had not changed, so I reluctantly agreed to get pitocin. We decided that it would be best to start preparing for the epidural first before starting the pitocin (and I am SO glad we did- I never ended up needing pitocin). So we waited for the bag of fluid to empty into my IV so that the anesthesiologist could do the epidural. It was taking a while because my IV was in at a strange angle.
I can't recall the exact time, but I think it was around 10 p.m. when the anesthesiologist came into the room to start the epidural. I told the nurse that I was not prepared for a natural birth, and that I really needed this epidural to work! The contractions had definitely picked up and I was having them about every 5 minutes and they were getting pretty painful. I was concentrating on closing my eyes and breathing deeply when I felt them coming, which helped me get through them easier. I would also visualize a peaceful place (the beach) and try to focus on anything except the pain. I noticed that if I started crying or talking during the contractions, they seemed to hurt more and were harder to get through. When the nurse tried to talk to me or touch me during a contraction, it was very distracting and irritating.
I sat forward to get the epidural and tried to remain calm. I was scared that something might go wrong with the epidural, because when I had Thomas, it took them several tries to get it in correctly (one time it made my leg twitch) and James passed out, and then I wasn't getting numb and then was numb up to my chest. So I was worried I may have the same problems or some other side effects. The anesthesiologist worked quickly and said that he was fairly confident that it was placed correctly and that he would wait to make sure it was working.
Every few minutes he would ask me if I felt any tingling or numbness, which I didn't. He put more medicine in and then my left leg did start to feel tingly. He then was sure that it was working and the rest of my lower body would be numb soon, so he left. But that did not happen. My left leg did start to feel numb, but that is it. At this point, the contractions were very, VERY painful. The nurse kept asking me if I noticed the epidural was taking the edge off at all, and I said I couldn't tell for sure but I didn't feel the numbness spreading. I was still trying to breathe deeply through the contractions, but it was getting harder and harder to remain calm and to not scream out every obscenity in the book. The anesthesiologist came back and pumped more medicine into the epidural catheter. They kept asking me if I felt different and the answer was NO, but the pain was getting worse and not better. I asked them if they should turn me on my side to see if that would help the medicine spread out but the anesthesiologist said no, that with enough medicine it should do it on its own. He stayed and was watching to see if things improved but I could tell that the epidural was not going to work. I just knew that it wasn't in right. However, I was still hopeful that something could be done. After all, I had one numb leg.
I did not realize it at the time, but I believe the next wave of contractions was the transition phase. I was trying my best to work through them, but trying to breathe deeply wasn't really working anymore. The pain overtook my whole body and I let out a huge scream in what felt like an involuntary reflex. The nurse had stepped out of the room, and she came running back in and asked me to tell her about that contraction. I told her that I could not take the pain and I was starting to feel pressure in my bottom. I was crying and sweating. Every contraction after that was basically just a lot of me screaming and crying. I could not hold it in. Part of me felt pretty embarrassed at how much I was screaming, yet the other part of me did not care. This was literally the worst pain I have ever experienced (I know everyone says that, but now I KNOW that it is true)! I was extremely frustrated because I could not move my body very well because of the numb leg. I felt forced to lay flat on my back because of how limiting the numb leg was, even though instinctively that is the last position I wanted to be in. But there was nothing I could do.
The pressure was getting very intense with the contractions. I started yelling out to the nurse and everyone else in the room that the epidural was not going to work at that he was coming. I kept repeating that over and over but it felt like no one really believed me. All of a sudden I felt a burning sensation and extreme pressure as if something were trying to come out of my bottom. I let out a HUGE scream and told the nurse that HE WAS COMING! She checked me and said, "Oh wow, yeah, you are fully complete." I had gone from 6cm to 10cm in less than half an hour (or something like that).
Things got really chaotic at that point. The nurse started yelling for EVERYONE to get in there NOW and that they needed all hands on deck. Some alarm was pressed to let everyone know to hurry. My doctor was not there because everyone thought that it was going to be a while before I fully dilated. They got on the phone with him and he was about a 15 minute drive away. There were a lot of people in the room now, but everything was kind of paused while everyone was deciding what to do. The nurse was telling me not to push, but when the contractions came, my body was just naturally pushing bit by bit. I was already convinced in my mind that if I felt the need to push and someone told me not to, that I was not going to listen and I would push anyway. I didn't care if there was no doctor there- there was no way I would or could hold the baby in! However, I was pretty terrified of what sort of pain was awaiting me to actually push him all the way out.
Finally the word was given to get the on-call OB at the hospital in my room since my doctor was too far away. I didn't realize this at the time, but I guess the baby's heart rate was dropping and he was getting stressed out. My eyes were closed pretty much this whole time and I wasn't super aware of everything that was going on. The doctor told me that I needed to push the baby out NOW and with the next contraction I needed to push as hard as I could and get the baby out. I was still screaming with the contractions and the doctor told me that I needed to stop screaming and PUSH instead. I said I was trying! haha. But I knew he was right, a lot of my energy was being used up by screaming and I kept my eyes closed tightly as the nurse and James held my hands, helped me sit up a little, and pushed as hard as I could. It felt like I was taking the biggest poop of my life. By the way it felt, I was sure that I was pooping all over the place (I didn't); it felt like my whole body was turning inside out. I think it was about three long pushes and then I felt a huge release of pressure and he was out! I could NOT believe it! I had done it and I had gotten through it, and actually pushing him out did not hurt nearly as bad as I expected. I knew it was almost over, and that he was almost out, and that gave me the motivation that I needed to continue on. It was a huge relief once he was out! He was born at 11:55 p.m.
They put him on my chest as they were wiping him off and right away he started peeing! It was a humorous relief to the preceding stress and chaos. I held his hand and then the nurses took him to weigh him and wipe him off a little more. The doctor kept apologizing to me for "being so mean" since he was yelling at me to push, but he said that they really needed to get the baby out quickly and didn't want to have to use a vacuum or anything like that. I said it was fine, I understood why he was directing me the way that he was. We got the placenta delivered which didn't really feel like much at all, and then I got a local anesthetic so he could stitch up a minor internal tear.
The nurses brought the baby back to me and asked me what his name was, and I said, "Luke." We had some skin-to-skin time and I felt so grateful to hug him and hold him close to me. I couldn't believe how tiny he was. I couldn't believe that I had pushed him out without any pain medication (that worked). I felt an overwhelming gratitude that he was safe and healthy and that everyone was fine. We had gotten through it! He was here!!! Luke nursed pretty soon after for quite a while, and we got to hold him for a long time before being moved to another room. He looked like a little angel.
It was almost 2 a.m. by the time we were moved into a recovery room. Luke was sleeping by then and I was very tired as well since I had taken a bit of pain medication. Luke slept solidly for several hours and I slept for a while too. The one thing that was really bothering me though was my leg. My left leg (and nothing else) was still completely numb! I couldn't move it by myself and I could not bear any weight on it, so that meant I couldn't walk and I couldn't get to the bathroom by myself. The nurse found some kind of contraption to wheel me sort of uprightly into the bathroom and back and had to help me do everything since my mobility was limited. The numbness in my leg did not wear off until the next afternoon (over 12 hours AFTER giving birth), so I felt like my recovery was slightly delayed because I couldn't walk or move like I wanted. But when all was said and done, that was a very minor problem to have. I know that there could have been worse side effects from the epidural and knowing that my baby had been in minor distress made me ever more grateful that we were all healthy and okay. The day after that, we were able to go home! We are all so happy to have Luke as a part of our family.
